Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Dudesday Tuesday: Why He Doesn't Know You Like Him

As a guy I've found that most of us pretend to have these very high opinions of ourselves and come across as rather arrogant when what we're really feeling is uncertainty and a desire to be liked. Right up until high school I was for all intents and purposes a loser and it wasn't until much later that I actually got a glimpse of what those around me, especially girls, thought about me. Those fourteen years of being a loser kind of stuck with me mentally so even today I find it impossible to believe that a girl is flirting with me or might actually like me. I'm not alone in this, many guys are absolutely clueless when it comes to women and the signals they give off to let us know we are being admired. So here's a few things you can do to let us know, even though we still probably won't fully believe it.

My wife told me that when a group of girls are giggling, seemingly about a guy, contrary to my beliefs it actually means they find him attractive, especially in high school or younger. Well we as men do not know that, probably because if we see a hot girl, the last thing we do is laugh, although sometimes we may laugh after literally drooling on ourselves hoping no one else saw what just happened. I, along with many other guys, assume that if girls are giggling, we must be extremely awkward looking or have some undesirable trait going on, even if just for the moment, such as a pimple, bad hair day or even a trail of toilet paper stuck to our foot. Even after being let in on the secret, I can't help but doubt my wife's claim, it must just be something in the male genes.

One of the big things about a girl having a little crush on us is that we simply don't believe it. Sure, most guys go around acting like every girl in the world wants them but a good number of those guys are so insecure that they won't believe it even if they're told a girl likes them. For instance, never have your friend tell a guy you're into him, odds are he won't believe it for a second, it's on you to let him know. Even if the whole world knows you like him and it's all they talk about, he'll probably think they're just rumors until those words come out of your mouth. I know that's a scary thing to do, so if you can't build up the courage to put your heart out on the line, you have to find ways to let him know you're attracted to him. Easier said than done.

You have to remember that guys are pretty much oblivious. Subtle flirting will only leave him wondering if you like him or if you're just super friendly or maybe even a notorious flirt and you act like that with everybody. So here's a few extra things you can do to help us connect the dots, although you're probably doing them already and the guy is just too clueless to notice. I think the number one most important thing to do is touch him, of course I don't mean full on groping, just gently brushing his arm or touching him for no particular reason, it'll let him know something's up. Another really important thing to do is laugh or at least smile a lot, men and I'm sure women too, want to feel like they're funny. It doesn't take much to feel appreciated but a good laugh certainly does it. Make eye contact with him and hold his gaze, it'll make him feel like he's the most important person in the world, like you're enthralled by what he's saying no matter how trivial it is. And honestly, if you're really into him, you won't need to act that interested in what he's saying, you actually will be. If he's boring you before you even get to know him, odds are you don't want to get to know him after all. Once you make him feel comfortable, important and desirable, he'll probably take the hint and ask you out but if he doesn't, don't be afraid to take the initiative. Even after all that effort you put in, he still might think you're just super friendly and a little touchy-feely. Don't worry about rejection, if he turns you down he's probably just too dumb to know what he's missing and if he already has a woman, it'll give his heart a little go boost that it might need and he'll probably always fondly remember the time that a girl asked him out. Good luck.


  1. This is such a beautiful post full of truth! As a girl I've never been courageous enough to tell my true feelings to a guy, and that's my worst flaw I think.
    Thanks for sharing!

  2. Someone read my post?! Woohoo! Thank you so much. I'm more sensitive than your average guy so it was always hard for me to ask girls out too, especially when I was rejected every single time. And the few times that a girl approached me, I was so flattered it broke my heart to say I was married or not interested. But not once did I ever think negatively of the girl for asking, no matter who she was, I was touched she would even think of me in that way. Basically, you don't have anything to be scared of, just make sure he's alone when you confess your feelings because multiple men easily transform into douche bags.