It's my party, I can snark if I want to, snark if I want to. You would snark too if it happened to you! Can you tell it's my birthday? I was going to write a giant wishlist to post to the site but that started to get real depressing, real fast. I want it all but I can afford none of it. Instead, I decided to let my inner bitch roam free all over the Ugly looks at Cannes. Enjoy! It'll probably be the last time I'm such a loudmouth.
Wow, honestly I think my heart stopped beating at the ugliness of Milla Jovovich's dress. The drop waist, flapper style gown does nothing for her thin frame and the red seems like an odd color choice. Perhaps in black and white this look could be saved. Plus, I abhor the dragging hem, not long enough to be a train, too long to be a gown.
Rachel McAdams rarely makes missteps when it comes to fashion, she usually plays it safe. I'm a huge believer in taking fashion risks and usually they are what I most like to see. Rachel has a fabulous figure but this dress has little else going for it besides the mannequin wearing it. I hate sheer and red together, I just feel like it reads a little too male-fantasy for my tastes. The sheer train is just odd, as are the sleeves and the illusion neckline. Rachel looks fabulous in red but a red lace gown would have been a better choice than this train wreck.
Paz Vega is gorgeous with her black hair and inky eyes, that much is undeniable. However, I can't decide who would be more appropriate of a choice for a look like this, a couture mechanic or a sleeping infant. A slimmer fit would work for someone like Lady Gaga or Nicki Minaj but unless you are a performer, most of us could not pull of a nude jumpsuit. Even the shoes look awkward with their off center rosettes.
When I said earlier this week that Salma Hayek rarely makes a fashion mistake, I completely forgot about this look obviously. There isn't much nice to say about it. The feathers (?) make her look wide and the shiny leather adds inches. I can't say that anyone could pull of red leather though.
I almost hate to rag on Sarah Jessica Parker because she looks so damn happy but come on. There is nothing about that dress I like. The pattern is fugly, it's way too long and voluminous and the long sleeves and shoulder pads leave a bad taste in my mouth. Seriously, stare at that thing too long and you will get dizzy.
I feel like prints are one of those things you have to do perfectly or not bother with at all. Zoe Saldana already made the Bad list with her peppermint striped white gown, now I have to go a step further and add her to the Ugly list for yet another patterned gown. This one has no redeeming qualities, she's swimming in it, the sleeves only draw attention to her narrow shoulder area and the belt looks oddly out of place. Adding a little nice to my naughty fashion bashing, I do have to say that I like her hair and makeup in this pic.
There you have it, Bitchfest '11, a happy 26th birthday present to me!