Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Dudesday Tuesday:Manscaping

This week we’re going to talk about something that all men should be doing, manscaping. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say mostly women are reading this so please, please, please make sure your man is doing at least some of these things because God knows he wouldn’t like it if you didn’t shave certain parts of your body.

So let’s start with shaving the body. Some guys are blessed with the non-hairy gene, I unfortunately was not. For as long as I can remember I’ve been shaving my chest and stomach. All it takes is to lather up with some soap and go to town. Nothing special, no fancy razors or shaving cream needed, just regular old soap. I’ve been doing it for half my life and have never cut myself once, but am always very careful around the nipples because I don’t imagine that would feel very good. Now the one problem I run into is razor burn because my skin is pretty sensitive, especially in the warm weather when I sweat more easily. The simple answer to that is putting on some aftershave right after shaving. I expect it to burn like hell every time but it never does.

When I was younger, I used to trim my armpits with scissors, it was a Saturday morning ritual while the wrestling recap show was on in the other room (those hairless bastards are what got me started in the first place). The problem was that it took forever, it was hard, and it made my armpits itch afterwards because of the blunt edges. So now I just shave them. Let’s face it, armpit hair is not sexy, no matter your gender, so if girls can shave it off, we can man up and do it too. I was scared at first, thinking I would cut myself or that it would leave me with itchy, stubbly armpits but I’ve never come close to getting a cut and I’m not exactly careful about it. Honestly, it doesn’t itch the least bit, and I sweat less now without the hair. Again, all it takes some soap and a razor, nothing fancy, and it’s so much more comfortable.

With the unfavorable hairy gene comes hairy arms and legs as well. Now dudes shaving their extremities seems a little strange and should probably be reserved for swimmers, wrestlers and anyone else who has to been seen practically naked. For the regular guy, trimming is the answer. For this one he’ll need an electric razor with the basic attachment to change lengths. I usually set it at about 5 and do my legs from top to bottom so they’re not stubbly but not long and curly either. Fortunately I don’t need to do my arms but that would work the same way, and yes hands and feet are included in this process. However, after using Veet on my feet a few times, the hair grew back finer and some didn’t grow back at all so now I can easily take a razor to my feet and toes and be all set with a couple swipes.

On to the face. Unibrows are not sexy and the beautiful part is that they’re easily avoidable. If he has just a few horns between the eyes, tweezers will do the trick perfectly. Now if he has a little forest in there trying to bridge the eyebrows together, take a razor to that bad boy. And yeah, sometimes I get lazy and don’t feel like plucking those few pesky hairs so I just slide the razor over them instead. All it takes is wetting the blade, swiping one way, then the other. No big deal, so I don’t understand why so many guys haven’t figured this one out yet.

Sticking with the face, we need to discuss facial hair. I’ve had it since 8th grade, yeah I was 13 with a fuzzy little mustache, leave me alone. Since then I’ve done different things with my facial hair, all of which have included some chin hair because without it, let’s just say I look like I could still be in the 8th grade. But whether I have my chin strap going on, a full face of stubble, a mustache going into to the beard, whatever, it is always neat and trimmed. In other words, there should never be scraggly hairs pointing every which way, some of them being two times as long as their neighbors, it’s uncalled for. All it takes is an electric razor, use the adjustable length piece, usually on 2 or 3 and have him run it over his hair. Without that piece it’s a little tricky and if his hand isn’t steady, he might end up missing patches of hair. Hey, it happens to the best of us.

Now, the electric razor brings me to, well, down there, just below the belt. A razor blade down there is a little scary, too scary for me, so I recommend going electric. All it takes is setting the adjustable attachment to a number he feels comfortable with, anything too short makes it awfully itchy so I don’t recommend going with anything lower than a 5, unless he’s going all the way smooth. Besides, I’m sure prickly stubble is the last thing a girl wants to be touching down there.
Now, some guys don’t like shaving but that’s no excuse, not with the help of wax, Nair and Veet. Nair has always been a little too smelly for me but Veet is great and does the same thing. All it takes is slapping the cream on, waiting the 7 or so minutes and then wiping it off, easy enough. I love the idea of waxing, when I was younger I used to try to rip my body hair off with tape, never worked though. Unfortunately my skin is too sensitive and waxing gives me a bad rash so I’m stuck with razors and Veet but you should definitely have your man try it. With all three options, I’ve found that the hair does grow back finer and sometimes even less thick.

Overall, these are quick and easy things to do to keep your man looking presentable, even if it is just for your benefit. He may not admit it, but truthfully I always feel better after doing some good manscaping, similar to that light on your feet feeling when you get a haircut. Honestly, waxing or using Veet/Nair is the most time consuming and that’s because you have to leave it on for close to 10 minutes. Shaving in the shower might take 5 minutes, usually less. Some guys think it’s fruity but who’s getting more girls, the metrosexual or the Neanderthal? If your man isn’t doing these things, I hope this helps you convince him or at least make him aware. Odds are he’ll try it once and wonder how he ever lived with all that hair.

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